Excuse Me! I Found Your Nose In My Business

Yes, all of us hate it when people who know nothing about us talk about us as if they do know us. After we have gotten over the feeling of being offended and having the strong urge to *bitch slap the gossip in the face, let’s take the high road and instead just give these people space. Walk away from them. In the process of hating, these people will eventually destroy themselves. And if we stick around, we might just get caught up in the mess when we shouldn’t have.

Everyone of us has become a victim of gossip and in one way intentionally or unintentionally feed on it. I don’t want to come off as a hypocrite as well but I guess we can all agree that we do not like gossip, but some of us enjoys to partake in it.

And the reality is that people are quick to believe the bad things they hear about people. Sometimes, we can’t blame them because of the past of the person involved. When do we listen to gossip? We just don’t. Verbal defamation, malicious stories, tacky opinions are things we should avoid engaging in. People who comes to you with all of these about other people will eventually be the one who will most likely spread the same thing about you. Being a good judge of character is tricky especially when it comes to gossip. Follow your heart and be the kind of person you would want people to be when they hear a gossip about you…and that’s someone who would not tolerate it and not easily believe it unless it comes directly from you.

If you are the center of the gossip, try very hard not to take things personally. One of the things to remember is that gossip is spread by wicked people to stir up trouble and break up relationships. If you know in your heart that things said about you is not true, shrug it off. At least now you know what these people or certain person was doing behind your back. And to those who were told of the gossip, value the relationship by asking the person involved if it was true or not.

When it comes to gossip, reserve your side of the story to the people that matter. To the rest, don’t waste your time to explain. In the end, people only hear what they wanted to hear.

*Thank you, AJ! 🙂

How To Not Lose Yourself When In A Relationship

I just recently read a post made by a friend in Facebook about what Oprah has to say about men.  I was nodding on each of the bullet points mentioned.  But then, after reading it and gave it some thought, I realized that the same things applied to women, too.  I would be the first to raise my glass in women empowerment.  But just as we cry for equality, it was always good to look at each sides of the coin.  I’ve taken few of the points and took liberties in making minor adjustments so that everyone would appreciate these reminders.

If anyone wants you, nothing can keep them away.  If they don’t want you, nothing can make them stay. Everyone of us got our own shortcomings.  We are not perfect.  We want someone who would be able to be with us who would not only understand that, but who is also willing to accept it.  If it would be as simple as snoring like a cow, it would perfectly make sense.  But when the shortcomings fell into the trust and loyalty categories, it’s an entirely different matter altogether.

Stop making excuses for anyone and their behavior.  Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Most often than not, when we are faced with problems with our partners, husband or wife, the tendency is to get to talk to a friend or family member and hash it out.  In the same way that we would like to ask for an advice, we don’t want our advisers to pass judgment to the faulted partner, husband or wife.  Denial sets in and instead of opening up for constructive criticisms, we ended up pushing these people away with good intentions to help us, because we also felt the need to protect the person we’re in a relationship with.  As a general rule, “there’s no excuse for rudeness.”  No lack of sleep, rest, or not having enough caffeine could excuse anyone for being short to another person.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. The worst thing one could do in a relationship is to change just to feel accepted, needed or wanted.  You are not fooling anyone, but only yourself.

 

 Never live your life for anyone before you find what makes you truly happy.  Go into a relationship with your own character, your own likes, dislikes, attitude, strength and weaknesses.  Not knowing who you are and letting other people shape yourself for you is just one of the reasons why relationships don’t last long.  It gets tiring for the other party to constantly correct, make adjustments and bend over just for you to fit in somewhere.  Find yourself first.  Knowing how you have overcome struggles and experienced life would be the best gift to share with your partner.

If a relationship ends because you are not being treated as you deserve then heck no, you can’t be friends.  A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.  Don’t settle.  Cheating and lying got no place in any relationship.  Reality is things happen and because of our love, we forgive and forget literally until the same thing happen again.  If it was just missed anniversary greeting, I would have understand, but if it was missing important occasions just to be with groupies or other friends, then it’s another thing.  If good friends wouldn’t do that to you, then your partner should know better.

If you feel like he/she is stringing you along, then they probably are.  Just like women have intuitions, I’m sure men could feel it in their guts as well if they are just being led on.  The moment you feel it, take the time to stop and ask yourself if it would be wise to waste time, energy, effort, not to mention money in something that has no possibility to last anyway.  If the answer is yes, then the next best thing is to get out of that relationship.

Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.”  You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.  Most of the time, this scenario happens to women.  It’s already in our nature to be patient, forgiving and nurturing.  But, then I also saw this happening to some of my closest male friends.  They loved their partners / wives so much that they were willing to take the backseat.  You would know deep in your heart if a relationship is still worth fighting for and if change will happen for the better.  Just like in any investment, if you don’t see any movements, the next step would be is to evaluate how long you can hold on while hoping for the best or to decide to stop and move on.

The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU.  We can pinpoint all the mistakes of our partners, husbands or wives, but nothing will happen until they decide for themselves what to do with all the things we tell them.  We shouldn’t make someone change just because we want to. Change should happen because it was self-motivated and self-realized.  The best we can do is to inspire them to do so, but then that’s still a long shot.  Having an open communication and talking about what makes other tick or happy, will be the best way to invoke change in someone else.