How To Not Lose Yourself When In A Relationship

I just recently read a post made by a friend in Facebook about what Oprah has to say about men.  I was nodding on each of the bullet points mentioned.  But then, after reading it and gave it some thought, I realized that the same things applied to women, too.  I would be the first to raise my glass in women empowerment.  But just as we cry for equality, it was always good to look at each sides of the coin.  I’ve taken few of the points and took liberties in making minor adjustments so that everyone would appreciate these reminders.

If anyone wants you, nothing can keep them away.  If they don’t want you, nothing can make them stayEveryone of us got our own shortcomings.  We are not perfect.  We want someone who would be able to be with us who would not only understand that, but who is also willing to accept it.  If it would be as simple as snoring like a cow, it would perfectly make sense.  But when the shortcomings fell into the trust and loyalty categories, it’s an entirely different matter altogether.


Stop making excuses for anyone and their behavior.  Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Most often than not, when we are faced with problems with our partners, husband or wife, the tendency is to get to talk to a friend or family member and hash it out.  In the same way that we would like to ask for an advice, we don’t want our advisers to pass judgment to the faulted partner, husband or wife.  Denial sets in and instead of opening up for constructive criticisms, we ended up pushing these people away with good intentions to help us, because we also felt the need to protect the person we’re in a relationship with.  As a general rule, “there’s no excuse for rudeness.”  No lack of sleep, rest, or not having enough caffeine could excuse anyone for being short to another person.


Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. The worst thing one could do in a relationship is to change just to feel accepted, needed or wanted.  You are not fooling anyone, but only yourself.


 Never live your life for anyone before you find what makes you truly happy.  Go into a relationship with your own character, your own likes, dislikes, attitude, strength and weaknesses.  Not knowing who you are and letting other people shape yourself for you is just one of the reasons why relationships don’t last long.  It gets tiring for the other party to constantly correct, make adjustments and bend over just for you to fit in somewhere.  Find yourself first.  Knowing how you have overcome struggles and experienced life would be the best gift to share with your partner.


If a relationship ends because you are not being treated as you deserve then heck no, you can’t be friends.  A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.  Don’t settle.  Cheating and lying got no place in any relationship.  Reality is things happen and because of our love, we forgive and forget literally until the same thing happen again.  If it was just missed anniversary greeting, I would have understand, but if it was missing important occasions just to be with groupies or other friends, then it’s another thing.  If good friends wouldn’t do that to you, then your partner should know better.


If you feel like he/she is stringing you along, then they probably are.  Just like women have intuitions, I’m sure men could feel it in their guts as well if they are just being led on.  The moment you feel it, take the time to stop and ask yourself if it would be wise to waste time, energy, effort, not to mention money in something that has no possibility to last anyway.  If the answer is yes, then the next best thing is to get out of that relationship.


Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.”  You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.  Most of the time, this scenario happens to women.  It’s already in our nature to be patient, forgiving and nurturing.  But, then I also saw this happening to some of my closest male friends.  They loved their partners / wives so much that they were willing to take the backseat.  You would know deep in your heart if a relationship is still worth fighting for and if change will happen for the better.  Just like in any investment, if you don’t see any movements, the next step would be is to evaluate how long you can hold on while hoping for the best or to decide to stop and move on.


The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU.  We can pinpoint all the mistakes of our partners, husbands or wives, but nothing will happen until they decide for themselves what to do with all the things we tell them.  We shouldn’t make someone change just because we want to. Change should happen because it was self-motivated and self-realized.  The best we can do is to inspire them to do so, but then that’s still a long shot.  Having an open communication and talking about what makes other tick or happy, will be the best way to invoke change in someone else.




2 thoughts on “How To Not Lose Yourself When In A Relationship

  1. betternotbroken says:

    Great post, it parallels where I am in my recovery and on my journey so it was a well timed gift from the Universe. Thank you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s